Annelisa
That night, after everyone goes to sleep, I try on my new clothes, cutting off the tags once I’m sure they fit.
My phone, placed on my nightstand, vibrates with anticipation. I had promised Matthew a few minutes prior that I would try everything on and show him.
I pick up my phone and open Discord.
With a sigh, I put my phone on silent. Tiptoeing to my bedroom door, I pull it open quickly so it doesn’t creak. I then silently make my way to the bathroom, close the door behind me, step in front of the full-body mirror there.
I think I look pretty cute; the sleeves of my top a bit too long for my arms, but exposing some of my tummy; my skirt leaving half of my thigh uncovered. I’m pretty sure Matthew would think I’m to die for, in this outfit. The moment I open my phone’s camera and point it at my reflection, though, I don’t look good at all.
Barely making any effort to pose nicely, I take a picture. I know that if I did try to find a nice angle, it would just take me forever, and Matthew’s probably at the end of his patience.
Without giving myself time for any second thoughts, I send the picture, along with
before quietly exiting the bathroom and retreating to my room. I check my messages.
What?
No one has ever said anything like that to me. Nervous, I hesitate before replying.
Nervous, I put my phone down on my bed for a second. It’s only 10:43, but I don’t hear any movement outside my room. My parents are probably in bed by now. It’s not like they ever come check on me at night. I know that. So… I should be fine.
I remove my new shirt and sports bra, placing them on my chair before sitting down on my mattress. I move my pillows away from the head of my bed and scoot up to press my back against the headboard. I pick up my phone, open the camera, and quickly take a horizontal picture of my chest.
I stare at it for a split second, heart pounding. I can’t decide if it looks good or not. I send it to him before I can change my mind.
A warm, tingling feeling builds up in the base of my stomach.
I don’t know what he means, but it would probably be awkward to ask, right? I don’t want him to get mad at me… I quickly type my response and send it before I can have any second thoughts.
A minute later, I receive a picture of a penis from him.
I don’t understand some of the words he’s using at this point, but I don’t want to seem ignorant by asking. I’m just glad I’m attractive to him.
This time, I position myself with my left arm across my chest, slightly pushing up my breasts. It doesn’t make much of a difference, but whatever. I force my thumb to take the picture and send it.
The only thing that makes me feel good in this whole interaction is his praise for me. I’ve never really been complimented in this way, and it makes me happy to hear him express his love and desire for my body.
After that night, my nightly sessions of reading that had become times spent talking to Matthew, turn into sessions of sending him pictures of myself. With time, I get more and more used to not only the concept of it, but finding a good angle and position, as well as varying the pictures taken, to his benefit.
Gone are the times when we would talk about music and literature. He stopped sending recordings of his songs. From that point on, the only thing we keep talking about is sex.
A month into our relationship, winter starts to really hit. The window in my bedroom is too hard to fully close, and every night, the cold December air begs my shivering body to stop obeying his will, to cover up and go to sleep. I don’t.
He and I are looking forward to the start of my Christmas vacation. We had never talked in a call before, because I’ve always felt too afraid of alerting my parents in doing so. However, during the beginning of the holidays, they always go shopping for gifts for the family while my brother and I stay home. During that time, I would be able to actually talk to him and hear his voice.
A few days before the start of winter break, however, my parents announce that we’ll be leaving for a week-long trip to Niagara Falls right on my first day off school. Meaning that I would be stuck with them without a moment of privacy, either out doing activities or stuck in a hotel room, during the entire time I had planned to spend with Matthew.
For the first time in my life, I actually protest against my parents. “What if you two go on your own? I can stay home with Erik.”
“What for?” asks my mom, with genuine surprise in her tone. “It’s been awhile since we’ve gone on a family trip, aren’t you looking forward to it?”
“I know teenagers don’t really like to spend time with their parents, but that’s no excuse for you to stay home and do nothing when we could spend quality time together, Annelisa,” adds my dad.
“Well, I could use the time to study. I actually have a lot of work to do. Plus, it could give me a chance to try to be… more responsible. And, uh, try managing on my own. For a little while.”
My mom shakes her head and sighs. “Anneli, that’s not happening. If you have that much schoolwork to do, you’ll do it on the trip. But whether you like it or not, you’re coming with.”
That night, I announce the news to Matthew.
He goes offline after that. I go to bed earlier that night and cry myself to sleep.
During the remaining days before my departure, we barely talk at all compared to how much we usually interact. Despite all the festivities organised for us students at my school, I barely take part in them and generally mope around the whole time.
During the trip, what with the long car drive and the amount of time spent away from our hotel, I don’t have much Internet access. Even if I did, though, I don’t think I would use it to talk to Matthew. I doubt it would really do him any good. Instead, I spend my time out with my parents, buying souvenirs, visiting attractions and looking at the Falls. I ask my parents to take pictures of me in front of the frozen waterfall and in the wax museums.
On our last day there, I ride the Ferris wheel on my own. I’ve been looking for a way to tell him everything I’ve been wanting to tell him lately, so I decide to film the entire ride for Matthew, recording my voice as well. As I sit down and the doors of the gondola close behind me, I open my phone’s camera, pointing it to the view outside. Taking a deep breath, I press the ‘record’ button.
“Hey, so, um… I’m really sorry that things didn’t go as planned. I understand that you got hurt from that, and everything. I wish it could have gone differently. You mean the world to me, Matthew, and I’d honestly do anything to make you happy. Umm, so, that’s why I was thinking… I might as well just start calling with you every night if you want to, after my parents fall asleep. I don’t think they would hear me or anything, and I’m willing to at least try it out. For you. I really, really look forward to it, I really want to hear your voice, and see you, and everything… I want to stay with you forever. And get married, and stuff… It’s probably a bit soon to say that, I think, but I just love you so much. You’re the love of my life, Matthew… I hope we can talk soon. I love you. Bye-bye.”
After waving my hand in front of the camera, I stop recording. My heart feels as if it’s beating out of my chest. I hope my video will cheer him up. I’ve never sent him one before. Knowing him, he’ll probably say my voice is cute, or whatever… I smile softly at this thought.
I only muster up the will to open Discord when I arrive back home. It’s pretty late when we get there; around 11 p.m. As my parents and I enter our apartment, they immediately go to bed, tuckered out from the long drive. My heart and mind begin to race as I anticipate checking if Matthew has sent anything since I left. For no reason in particular, I decide to wait until I’m comfortably in bed before doing so.
I’m not quite sure why I’m so nervous about it all. I’m sure he’ll be overjoyed to see me back, just as much as I am to be back; we can finally return to our usual routine, and then spend even more time together because of my vacation; and start calling at night. Heck, we could even call right now.
After brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, and snuggling up under the covers, I finally open Discord for the first time in a week. I see ten new messages from Matthew.